Wednesday, September 15, 2010

You make beautiful things out of the dust

it has been far too long.
sometimes life gets a little crazy and that is has been. since i've been back in school and getting into the swing of things, i've been thinking a lot about what this summer meant for me. how did God use it to grow me closer to Him? what did i really learn? i feel really different but sort of the same but clearly different, how does that even make sense? well here are a few conclusions i have made:
God makes beautiful things out of the dust. before i left for the summer, sin had crept into my heart and was smothering me. God in all His power and glory allowed me to turn from Him and to this world. He saw what i did not at the time. He saw my heart being broken apart in order for Him to place it back together through a challenging summer.
what did i really learn? oh boy. i honestly thought i had it figured out before. God was this big God but yet He loved me. yeah yeah. right? yes but i did not truly, whole heartedly believe that revolutionary truth. this summer God opened my eyes to my heart's half belief. i said i believed this but if i really did then my life would look very different! i had to face it, the God i proclaimed to know was not the same God who loves me.
sweet grace filled my heart this summer and gave me freedom to rebuild the foundation of my faith.
i also learned a little about myself. this has been more post summer in the Forge. i am impatient. i hate waiting for things to come together. i was telling someone the other day it's like when i start a new book. if it's really good, if i'm really enjoying the book, often times - and by often i mean pretty much every single time - i will go to the last page and read it. i know i know. it ruins it but does it really? i find a certain peace about knowing what will happen. i find comfort in knowing what is to come. this little impatience of mine when it comes to books overflows into my real life. i convince myself that it would be better if i could just know what will happen at the end of this chapter in my life. i convince myself that i need to be better prepared and if i am to prepare properly i will need to know what the future holds. however. God does not work this way. He does not give us the blue prints of our life and say "here ya go! have fun." although there are times when i wish it worked that way there are far more times that i am thankful that God does not. He whispers sweetly to me to trust Him in spite of not knowing. in fact i think He whispers to trust Him because i don't know what will happen but He does. maybe it isn't about the end. maybe it really is about all the stuff in between. essentially i know where i will end, in Heaven enjoying every second of who God is. so then. i guess the only thing left is to enjoy the journey.