Wednesday, June 22, 2011

Summer, thus far.

This summer has been uneventful, comparatively. The last two summers I have been blessed with incredible opportunities - summer staff, Kanankuk, D-Focus. . . And this summer consists of school. Two long days of two long, almost three hour classes. BUMMER. Oh and also work. Lots of work in the down time. However there is still lots of time on my hands. I mean a lot. In that down time I have found myself really discontent with where I am at geographically and spiritually. I see myself and I am not the person I want to become but why? My conclusion is, among other things, when God created me He created me to be "doer". It is so hard for me to be still and patient, I want to be doing something all the time! That isn't a bad thing necessarily but because I haven't been doing I have been feeling a serious lack of joy. Which is the problem - investing my joy in something other than the gospel of grace. Thus I have been looking at my relationship with God more intently. Do I really find my joy in Him? Do I really believe that the gospel is a reflection of God's radical love for me? No. And no. I don't truly believe those things, I want to desperately. But most days I don't.... 
I think in large that is due to the fact that the gospel is so incredibly radical. You know the story, I don't have to tell you but think about it. I mean really think about it.God loves me (I am filthy with sin.). Jesus dies but He dies because He is perfect in order to exchange my filth for His righteousness. That does not make sense! What! ......... That is radical. Crazy. Incredible. 
The "awe" of that craziness, incredibleness, radicalness, is where I want to live. That is why I have been discontent. Knowing the Truth and yet not being compelled in any way by it's freedom. By it's insane love. By it's passion. When I really look at the cross and what it means for my life, what it does for me (sin for righteousness) I can't help but see how crazy in love God is with His people. I think that is why C.J Mahney said that we are to preach the Gospel to ourselves daily.
So maybe this summer hasn't been as uneventful as it appears after all. . .